Tales from the XIT: The Broken-d!ck Bull.

by admin

My children have had absolutely no sex education whatsoever.

And in 1997, they were 6 and 9.  So I’d say it was pretty much unnecessary in any home with a TV and grade school-age children to have to get into it. Most kids were probably relieved. They knew it already, and it’s always so embarrassing and gross when parents talk about sex.

But my point is, our children in 1997 were not only introduced to sexual relations by Mr. President himself, they learned some new techniques with all the surrounding dialogue.  In fact, the class was entirely eliminated from the Meade Grade School curriculum.

But mainly, they were raised on a ranch. And there’s a good lesson from this story.

It has been said that, when a man dies, he can only hope to come back as a bull on the X I T.”

 

Not The Broken-d!ck XIT Bull.

But then, there was The Broken-d!ck Bull. So here’s the story…

One day I was riding with the boss past the pipe pens and noticed a bull with a particularly misshapen member.

“John! What is wrong with his hangin’ johnny?” I exclaimed. (this expression is actually George Carlin’s, I think I used the proper anatomical term.)

So this was his ‘splanation in my words, my best shot as I don’t really listen to all the details.

As I’ve overheard some male friends say, “men are pigs.”

So, the same goes for bulls when it comes to sex, “bulls are pigs.”

Whereas female bovines, unlike other mammals, only desire the “pig bull doggy style” during a particular time period.

If the bull chooses to mount when he is unwelcome, the female has her own internal weapon of defense.  I didn’t get into specifics, but I envision it as something like a very, very strong o-clamp.

And, I’m sure this must cause ‘some kinda pain’ for the unlucky Taurus. Little does he know as he tries to escape, hell has only just begun.  He probably would have been better to gnaw it off himself like those animals with their leg caught in a bear trap.

So, that’s the story of The Broken-d!ck Bull.  And, I apologize for having no photograph. It just seemed like a triple insult to document his plight.

And, a word from the mama-money makin’ machines on the XIT.  I would re-phrase the expression to say when a man dies, he can only hope to come back as a SMART bull on the X I T.”

And if some dumb bull slipped through the cut, and didn’t hear it the first time,  he’ll find out just what part of “NO” that he didn’t understand.  And, there he goes.. to town…completely jobless…good for nuthin’ but burgers, cowboy caviar and swingin’ beef.

To my memory, I’ve only seen one Broken-d!ck Bull on the X I T.

2 comments on “Tales from the XIT: The Broken-d!ck Bull.

    • Hey, David Hagemann. If you were on Facebook, you would know that male members seemed to be the theme of the week and you know how my mind is with any suggestion.

      It started when I took a picture of cattle pens and Steve Leshovsky (over the road man, lived in PV down street and now in Abilene so he understands rural lifestyle) told me that kids (boys, of course) always add the “i” to pens. Then, Randy Knotts had more jokes.

      Then Bill Biggar was shopping at Dick’s, always the invite to bring it on….so I had to add a few to get in on the boytalk. I can’t help it, I’ve been in kind of a male-dominated area with cowboys and architecture. They didin’t even let me get to my Dick’s joke about “when I have a flare-up of envy, my therapist sends me to Dick’s.”

      So, are you hearing me…so get on FB and you won’t think I’m a pervert as much. Biff, too. I had it for a year and only checked it once every two months, so it doesn’t have to be a big time waster if you don’t let it.

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