My Future(s) InSecurity(ies): Uniforms.

by admin


Paula in Security Uniform by Kate Spade


Yes, believe it or not, I worked in Security. And, I must like uniforms because

  • I was a cheerleader AND in pep club. So, I rarely got to wear my own clothes to school. Sad, but then, not.
  • My school didn’t have a dress code or uniform. Midriffs were FINE in the 70s for the policemen in our parking lot were focused on students OD’ing on school property and had somewhat “locked it down” with open school and 6th-7th hour “off.” So, I’m getting to the fact that Carolyn Howard, our Sue Sylvester, MADE SURE that we had to wear
    • Lancer blue girdle swimming suits and
    • a red romper (not EVEN Our Colors!) for gym.
    • Point: Ms. Howard made sure there was nothing remotely SEXY about gym, even if the school administration (largely men) had larger problems to contain and were ignoring (? uh huh…) the teenage girls’ sexuality vis-a-vis stomach or chest visibility in dress code.
  • I worked at the pool in the summers, so I alternated two navy blue tank suit 6 days a week for 8 hours. I’m sure the guy lifeguards’ gym short swimming suits could walk on their own.

An excellent qualification: I have a history with uniforms.

So, it was nothing strange to be wearing this Security Uniform at a large ‘beaux arts’  museum in Kansas City, I won’t mention the name, at least for now.

Here is my uniform there. I’m not sure if this was really allowed, so just pretend I’ve blacked out any name of the museum. It’s backwards so that’s kind of encrypted.



This is how I looked on duty so you can see the whole gig. A gentleman I didn’t know took these pictures and later sent them to me. Nice or creepy? I’ll take nice, kept the pictures.

Was I really behind bars??

And as I’ve enjoyed all kinds of “social” uniforms such as:

  • kilts in college,
  • fair isle sweaters (but never buttoned up the back though I wanted to) at functions,
  • ballet flats in France.
  • NOTHING feels quite as good as a real uniform that (usually*) looks just like anyone else’s and carries with it a badge of authority.
    • *that is, I was reprimanded (nicely) about pushing the boundaries. And I’m sorry, the T-SHIRT advertising of the show that we wore on occasional Fridays was an XTRA large, so it really needed a WIDE BLACK BELT.

I hope to somehow have a future in Security Work, though my recent behavior may have eliminated me from the running. I’m making amends slowly, but

  • I can be trusted and
  • I am honest TO A FAULT and
  • I hope the period of “crazy” is coming to an end
    • or at least subsiding,
    • (or at least in presence of my fellow authorities in security and law enforcement.)

To this decade…’to Security and Beyond!’

We will get there.

Whatever Happened to Old Man Nick?

by admin

Whatever happened to old man nick?

Lost his bees and 

He Lost his..schtick

All those mags

the counter Bee’hind

Behind behind,

Oh, ladies oh so kind.


I stopped at red roof

Out here in A-ri-zona

To see any sign-a

That might now make it known-a

I remember the first time 

With grandfather Paul 

Grandamolie got candy

But I went with Tall



They called him

For he was quite thin

We gazed at the hives

Drones humming within. 


But, Whatever REALLY happened 

to old man nick?

Lost his bees and 

Lost his…

Pick of which heir


to bee

Next in line 

to charge the fee.

For next in TIME

In Roadside travel

Kids places to go…

Spray the gravel


But not here cuz

Ain’t got no buzz

Few trips with gramps

no tales no fuzz

Hive Hut Still Standing

So why the relic?

There still standing

Strange red roof

Was so commanding

Why the bees

And candy corn?

Mixed in with it

You think some…

Poorrrr….nother coke

Just take your time…

Grandma’s shopping

Grandpa fine.

Go see hive

Wow, see THAT honey

Find the drone

And spend some money

(great selection)

What a rack

‘Hind the counter

More in back


Grandpa’s here!

( but keep sealed lips)

And first the bees

Some edu-tips

And so it was

The story ended

Historic credits

On property, lended?

I didn’t google

I didn’t ‘wik’ 

I just imagine

It happened so quick


When ‘ol man’ was

Starting to fail

Next of kin knew

Bees would bail

But oh so clever

He was, I see

Would he pay penance

To every bee?

That lost its job

Were they set free?


What really happened?

I’d better stop…

At these old haunts

These roads my jaunts


Still see red roofs

in states across

The Wild West

But where’s the boss?


Hit the lair, if you dare…

I could stop in

The place next door

I’ll be discreet

Won’t buy any poooorrr…

nnn’Nice items inside!’

And toys galore


You think funny pops 

Now test this out?

What an idea 

To carry about

Gets me to the next stop

Where I will get out.


And when I imagine

Kids running around

flipping switches 

Hearing sounds

It is a comfort

That  things don’t change

All that much

Just rearrange

And I will stop 

‘nother pic ‘nother state

And I’ll report, I won’t be late

Just ask directions

“Where’s the loo?”

Use the ladies 

Some candy too


And if they ask

Why I stopped there

I’ll be real casual

As I stand in the lair

‘New to Arizona’ 

‘My phones not stable’

‘You have strong wi fi’

Good fiber and cable

Wi Who Really Rules?

An’ in my mind

He sends me out back

I’d like to imagine

To the funny red shack

So altogether now

You’ve got the BUZZ

“It’s Not about stops

It’s about the FUZZ!”


So ‘Whatever happened to

‘Ol man nick’

Son lost his bees 

And he lost his schtick.

Without any bees

Well, there was no honey

Sugar or spice

And there was no money

To keep up the roof

So let’s inspect

A Cultural icon

It’s still erect!