Bang bang…my baby shot me down.

by admin
photographer:  Robert Trachtenberg. photo from  NY Times Mag 8-1-99.

Robert Trachtenberg.
photo from
NY Times Mag 8-1-99.

When I worked at an Art Museum, what I liked the most about it was that I didn’t have to talk.

Yes, pretty amazing to hear from me, isn’t it?

But I really did all the time anyway, in the way I like the best. And the other day, I was passing one of the patrons with whom I’d chatted it up while on my post.

[I saw her at the Saturday morning market in Old OP, I was browsing the beets. She was on wheels, parked at the periphery by the parsley, but fully aware of her presence.]

Paula: “Heeey!” “It’s been a while!”

Stroller Girl: “what’s up! look at all these colors…makes me wanna’ paint, what about you?”

Paula: “…workin’ on it, more like drawings….”

Stroller Girl: “Any new codependents in your life….?”

Paula: “well, you know what they say ‘54 is the new 65′….I’m getting wiser everyday…

My Grandmother Millie only made it to 97, though.”

“What if they bump up that number in the system and make it higher…

I might not re-set to your sagacity. “


Stroller Girl:  “I still haven’t shaken these two…I’m going to give them some time…

I’ve heard if you can get them to three they get a little better.

I just have to stick with my program….”

“they’re such whiners sometimes, though. A little self-discipline

tempered with Gaga-acceptance would go a long way.”

“But, the food is good…and, it pays the rent.

so….until I get a Barbie Car and grow a pair, these wheels are as good as it gets,”

Paula:  “You know it is nice to have a little of my own space and hi-place, but the solo thing is overrated…

And I’ll tell you, so is lookin’ out for yourself and growing up….”

“I’ve now been known to grow a pair, too, these days.

But, only when warranted & I really get pushed.

Sugar coated, of course.”

Paula: “But, I didn’t mean the kids…you know what I mean…”

Stroller Girl: “well, you know they say ‘one is the new 5...'”

You know these guy babes, though….I don’t get it...

Bald is the look and they’re wearing rugs

White is the new black but I’m only seeing it at the roots…

Who in heaven’s nursery taught them all this stuff…

Is this supposed to be what we want? So much work!  hi maintenance stuff!”

Paula: “Well, I think WE did, but it’s kind of a chicken or egg thing, don’t know what came first…”

“I just look at it as Pay Back. “

“It’s pretty weird times, though…

just when I thought I must look 80 with all the attention from ‘peers,’

I mesmerized some four year old across a crowded restaurant…cute guy.”

“It was really pretty flattering …he hadn’t even tasted my fried chicken.

…really had a nice van, so I was curious about the nod.”

I think it was my shoes….”

Stroller Girl: “Yea, I know that guy….buggy’s a Porsche P’4911, right?”

Paula:  “Yes! …..and….?”

Stroller Girl:  “Well, I’m sure your shoes were great, but I think he has a foot fetish.

And remember what they say….”

Paula: “What’s that?”

Stroller Girl:  “It’s only when a babe gives you a key to his Porsche

that you know

you’re close to winning his heart.

Call me Mama...

Call me Mama…



“…if ya don’t say it’s a Fine Mornin’, I’ll shoot-cha!” The Sheriff of Mission Farms.

by admin

Sun’s comin’ up over the waterin’ hole…

concrete’s a-mixin’….

Rye’s pies a-bakin’

Concrete’s a-churnin’….

An’ I’ve a yearnin’ to share my story….


I never needed resumé or an interview, I just knew it was mine.

I actually knew that this general area was my calling where I lived before, except I had a different badge.

Here’s a picture of that perch. I think Rose really felt she had to patrol most of the time, but I still put out my shingle. I’ll put her picture first, as she’s always telling me I’m stealing her show and probably correct.


Can you see how I wore it?


Here, I’ll zoom in….


Who wudda’ thunk after never working my way out of the Prairie Village kiddie pool complex, that I’d end up by this Village?

Right here by the pool and grills… 2nd floor just right to somewhat ‘see and only kinda’ be seen’, close enough to leap if I saw the need? Chuck Beatty my old boss would be proud.

I mean, I barely passed the written Red Cross Test at PV Pool and quite certainly failed the near-drowning carry. Yes, my diving pool rescue drew blood upon the back of my victim as I hoisted (scraped-drug) him across the pool gutter to the safety of pavement.

Yet here I was again, at a different Village Pool, now in a very HIGH chair, my sign in place. Like the kiddie pool, it needed a Small Woman around to Keep Order.

Actually, to be honest with you, the Prairie Village Kiddie Pool really could have used some guy guards…

David and Mike tired of that hike down from the basket room when Dirty Old Flasher showed up in his loose ones, ‘goin’ Cowboy’ as my sister from Rochester, New York sez’. We never used that term on the ranch. 

And, I’m thinking it might have been mutual enjoyment for the young mothers to have them around. Or at least, they might not get a dirty look when doing the job.

I averted many a resusci-baby, [carefully watching & waiting so as not to overstep my bounds or cause embarrassment], but was always ready for the occasional

swoop underwater uplift rescue with a cheeryup-seeee!”‘

inadvertently interrupting an intense ‘moms’ conversation. We’ve all been there, it’s in no way a criticism

  • but my point is that one must have broad shoulders to do important work.

Now, I’ve already gone off on a tangent,

…but sometimes one must stop along the way to adequately fill in the blanks on the resumé

in the event that someone questions that I’m qualified

…to self-appoint my-self as

The Sheriff of Mission Farms, East side.

I won’t get into my responsibilities on the West Side of Mission, that’s another story. But, to vaguely reference, sometimes one has to put one’s boot in my mouth to understand exactly what motivated me to hang that PV Pool Plaque.

Let’s just say that

  • unless one is there in an Official Capacity (no one was really aware of this at the time when I lived there)
  • and even if all kinds of events like Father’s Day and the 4th brought dads, kids, families to the complex
  • that it’s best not to say to the cute girl on the elevator, “is this your dad?” no matter  how similar the resemblance. (honest mistake, I think she had a floatie)
  • Trust me on this one. It got ugly a few nights later on the back streets of 105th when I was confronted by her dad & young buddy drinking some beers….appears I’d seriously ‘messed that one up’, but that wasn’t the word.
  • I’d apologized, and this wasn’t good. Best to stop talking, so I will on that.

But this was a sign, this first sign, that was pointing me in this direction of my new Post, Sheriff East Side. And upon my departure, Doug & Anne, high school friends, rented my place: #206. It was important that I’d been in this position first, why else would they have taken over as Scouts if it weren’t also to urge me to head East?

So, I’m now here, have been for six months. And a few weeks ago, I received this email.

Screen Shot 2014-05-09 at 7.40.01 PM

We corresponded for a few days, about art, making stuff, writing, SME Halls, families, firecrackers at graduation (yes, Greg did it), work, and belt size.

And, a few days later this arrived by way of his brother’s salon in Old Overland Park, fitting.


KC Kid. Belt by Greg Lyle, Old Wheel Gun Shop, Seattle.

KC Kid. This was all it took, the Job was Mine. I was needed back East.

So that’s the story of how I became

  • The Sheriff of Mission Farms, (Leawood Patrol).
    The Sheriff of Mission Farms.

    The Sheriff of Mission Farms.

But, of course, there’s more to the story…

And more beautiful pictures of my Decoration: the Holster, Star badge, bullet loops…

And always some ‘learnin’ me’, as Henry would say. Gun 101.

Ya’ll stay posted….

I’ll be at mine.

Thank you, Greg.