Dennis Morgan and me, Paula: Myra & Ginny’s protegés. Plus partying and architecture, circa 1977.

Nov 15 2011

Dennis Morgan and me, Paula: Myra & Ginny’s protegés. Plus partying and architecture, circa 1977.

by admin

Dennis Morgan and Paula Graves having cookies and milk on Graves patio after our houses were built.

Dennis Morgan was my first friend who was a boy. I have this on facebook with the caption, “He’s so dreamy, I think I will just close my eyes and dream…”

This picture was taken just after Bob Wendt, a Kansas City architect of German descent, finished our custom homes. By the way, Betsy Curry lived in a much bigger very neat house designed by Bob Wendt west of Roe south of 83rd St.

They were very unique contemporary ranches:

Post and Beam design: 4×6 posts supporting and rough-sawn cedar timber beams (5′ on center), stained black. (most houses stud framing.
beams exposed with natural pine tongue and groove roofdecking running 90 degrees to wood beams and spans the 5′ o.c. beams
60s “ski lodge” fireplace
walnut stained oak wood floors
flat walnut veneer cabinet doors. the kitchen (north side of house) was so dark that the doors only (still flush set in walnut) were lacquered white to lighten up the room. Lacquer, mind you, being a lost art. Here, it was 11 coats well-done by Bob Falkenberg (also German descent Falkenberg & Son contractor in KC, clients like Annenberg’s, lived in my neighborhood and daughter, Nancy, was one of my best friends at Highlands Grade School).
floor to ceiling glass along patio side.
exposed aggregate patios with wood strips and front walk entry hall

That’s enough about the architectural history of the houses here, let’s just say “they were cool, well-designed, well-crafted, well-done functionally and aesthetically.” And, our mom’s made the cookies. Ginny’s nutty nougat (aka snowballs) is still on the plate.

Jim and Myra Morgan, my neighbors.houses mirrored each other and shared a driveway.

Here is a picture from the KC Star of Dennis’s Dad, Jim Morgan, with the kids. Jim and Myra moved to KC from Alabama. Mr. Morgan at that time was an airline pilot for TWA and Myra was a southern belle and mother of three kids, Dink, Dennis and Denise (Missy). Doo, Jim Morgan’s mother, also lived with them. I’m not sure if this was from the outset or after Myra became busier with the gallery. They both started Morgan Gallery in the 60s after Mr. Morgan had some kind of heart thing while flying and was grounded.

You can google Morgan Gallery, but Myra and Jim had the ins with the art galleries on both coasts in this era taking KC trips to NYC to Leo Castelli’s and Lillian Nassau to buy art and art nouveau. Both were highly creative with all that entails. Jim Morgan collected Arts and Crafts pottery, Roseville, etc. long before anyone else. Their social sphere was fascinating for me, for their friends were quite a bit wilder than the creative-conservatives with whom my parents socialized.

KC Star May 26, 1968. News About Women and Society. Note that Mrs. Jack O'Hara's garden is also featured, so I have included it.

They mention Taffy in the article. Taffy was a really great dog, I don’t know the breed. But I will have to find out. He was a mellow yellow hound of some sort. Very methodically, he would trot around his two joint estates everyday, checking in and on everything. I’ve never had a dog with this kind of temperament, though it’s probably partially due to the owners.

John Buck Sculpture

The sculpture is by John Buck who was a graduate student at the K.C. Art Institute. This sculpture has had a colorful live, witnessing many a deal and an ordeal between the dramas in the Morgan and Graves families in both generations. But, most importantly, it was home base for kick the can. Dennis has the sculpture in storage and he and Dink have said that I can have it. It needs a coat of black paint and rust-oleum mixed together. Dennis told me the recipe.

I had envisioned it on my mountaintop at the XIT Ranch. This is the high point along the Cimarron River at the Crossing to where I would run every day, sprinting the hill for reward of the river view. I am confident that the Plains Indians used this place as a burial ground it is so beautiful. I’m not sure it I would have gotten approval, but I know I could have sneaked in onto this place somewhere.

(excuse me…note to Dennis)

Dennis,

I still want this sculpture, so please don’t give it away if you have not yet already. A bit of a problem is that I may not have any land in the near future where it could be erected. As will getting it from Dick Belger’s warehouse to the proposed site. And, since it’s a fairly permanent installation involving concrete this does need some thought for appropriate context. I think it would look great in Santa Fe and likely no problems with the neighbors depending upon the size of the lot, but I’m not sure yet if I want to be there.

I’d mainly be motivated in this southwest direction because you and I could have a great road trip hauling this thing to someplace west of the 98th meridian. As you can see below, we have a history of wheels and road, inherited from our parents, I guess.

Dennis Morgan and Paula Adams on our bikes. Mine has training wheels.

a) love the picnic tablecloth fabric of my dress, white knee socks with vertical pattern up the leg, and my red Mary Janes. Kudos Ginny Graves. My mother made me!!

b) training wheels into grade school. Dennis, aren’t they on your bike, too? it was scarring to learn to ride without these wheels with my marine corps father. he is such a patient man, but not as patient with lack of coordination and confidence. Seriously, everyone learns differently. If I had had a physics lesson first, I know I would have grasped concept of momentum sooner.

c) Dennis, enough about me, you look great. :), like the mustard and grey combo.

many loving thoughts,

Paula

(end of letter).

Little did I know at the time I would come to know water tanks well...

The above picture was taken getting ready for a Morgan-Graves Circle Party when we were in high school. The beer was iced and stationed in the water tanks on our joint lots.

Dennis’s Crowd vis-a-vis Paula’s Crowd

Dennis ran with a more diverse crowd than I; swimmers, baseball players, and pretty hardcore party’ers, at least in mind. That is, they smoked marijuana, maybe even tried other stuff! Since we were childhood friends, I didn’t really think that much about the fact that we didn’t hang out in the same social (partying) circles. I was cheerleader with jocks, of course.

Prairie Village Pool

We worked together at the Prairie Village Pool and lived next door to each other, so I always felt like we really shared the same friends. So many of us that lived in Prairie Village and swam at the Village Pool had parents (mothers) who insisted that at 15 we would take Red Cross and Lifeguard Training at the Pool. This is so that we would be gainfully employed at sixteen in a 45 hr. 6 day-a-week job that paid rather well (minimum wage adds up when it’s a real work week). Mostly for mothers, we were out-of-the-house.

Dennis and I really shared our friends in a sense. That is, his buddies were always and still very nice to me just as my girlfriends express fond memories of sweet, kind, interesting Dennis. One reason is because our driveway was really the hub for all kinds of Prairie Village people with these party’ing habits, even my jocky SME athlete buddies I was recently told. As usual, all going on around me and my head is in the real clouds.

Parental Control vs. Sense of Place

Back in the day, neither of our sets of parents seemed to care much about legal issues relative to our fun habits as dominates parental fears today. I’m sure philosophy for some was the same as it is for parents now. Knowing your kids were in a safe place was of primary importance; their mischief, a parent could hardly have time to monitor for the parent is usually busy with their own misbehaving. Anyway, I would pass these guys and their row of cars in our very long driveway to get to my garage. It was called “the circle” as the John Buck sculpture is on a round grass island around which the drive circulates. “The Fort” was two lots to the east which was Peter Wilkin’s hub. Peter was the son of another neighborhood architect who attended Highlands but transferred to Pembroke-Hill. This is another story, but “the Fort” brought the private school laddies to the other side of the tracks (Mission Road).

I always felt like a totally square goofball in that d@mn cheerleading uniform and, of course, was and still am.

We were on the way to some birthday party.

I like my dress and mod gift paper, but Dennis is the star fashion icon here.

Such a cool blue plaid with the leather lacing.

And his loafers with the high tongues and white crews are classic.

Old School Preppy goes Wyoming Western.

What the Morgan-Graves were most famous for…GREAT PARTIES!

Our parents had their friends from KC Arts-Social Scene (my parents friends, dad’s clients, Morgan Gallery Clients, Contemporary Arts Society people, Alabama Folks). We invited all of our friends, but I guess it was really open to anyone as people I would meet at KU from SM South would tell me “I was at a party at your house in high school.” There were lights, tamale vendors, the ice cream truck, peanuts, beer, and Riverrock Played on a stage in the gravel rockbed in the landscaping that linked our two houses.

This is excerpts from an email from DWG giving a bit of resumé-history of some of the people pictured clarifying some of my earlier notes I took from our last phone conversation re: people. Exhausts me to get it close to right, so I’m just going to put in his red notes from his email and mine are in black. This is the best Dean and Paula combo with which I can feel comfortable. Apologize to all, I am responsible.

From: Dean Graves <dgraves@cubekc.org>

Subject: Re: id photos

Date: November 14, 2011 3:53:03 PM CST

To: Paula Adams <paulagravesadams@gmail.com>

Wm. T. Wiley, Bob Stark, World’s Greatest Artist

Sam Perkins Pres. of Bank in Olathe in photo just to the right of GG

Eileen and Byron Cohen: Panache (real estate), lived at 61st and Ward Parkway

Jan Pescanofsky and Giles Fowler CLARIFICATION : husband and wife; Giles wrote/reported for KCStar and Maybe Jan , too . Could probably google KCStar 1978July and find something. hmmmm…ignoring that last part Dean, already too many trees in forest…having inherited both parents genepools and talents, I’m not committed yet & would like to remain so. Anyone else? Please post.

Ted Coe…Director of Nelson Gallery, after Lawrence Sickman who amassed chinese collection. [CLARIFICATION : TED CAME FROM CLEVELAND MUSEUM OF ART and after Nelson Gallery moved to and lived rest of his life in Santa Fe Died plus or minus two yrs. ago . Was very much an expert in Northwest American/Canadian Indian Art .] In picture on btm. row just to right of Laddie Hurst Mann. Ted came from back East, who had gallery directorships, into contemporary scene.

Friend

You know, Dennis will always be my best first friend and a boy. We have survived our lives and our wonderful families and mostly the way we are made: two emotional, sensitive, and very shy people.

Shy that wore itself in different clothes but is the same.

Love you Dennis. Tell Nancy hi, her Morgan boys Christmas cards always earn first prize in the card sort each year. I guess we’re all still working the arts gig in one way or another, squeaking out the dollar but doing what inspires us. We have to get the kids together in their lifetimes. Or, maybe they will just cross paths…I bet they will.

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Nov 3 2011

Adams Family BOTAR Ball Dancing Videos

by admin

note: my comments in red

"Stayin' Alive!"

Custom has made dancing sometimes necessary for a young man; therefore mind it while you learn it, that you may learn to do it well, and not be ridiculous, though in a ridiculous act. – Lord Chesterfield

Jack Adams somehow knew this at an early age, he does it so well.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOtWND3rTWI[/youtube]

And, of course, they’ve always condemned dancing. You know, you might touch a member of the opposite sex. And you might get excited and you might do something natural. –Frank McCourt

From a woman who gave up on enforcing the “no grinding” rule at private school dances. “I just look at it as safe sex.”

Jan Davis, woman headmaster of Wichita Collegiate who was pulled out of retirement from the Wichita Public School System to serve at my daughter’s private high school.

But in reality we are accompanied by the whole dancing universe. –Ruth St. Denis.

Mildred Evelyn Lee Ward is my Grandmother. She taught school with her Master’s in English to help put my Grandfather Paul Ward through law school during the Depression. But she found time to teach dance on the side, living this motto “life is a dance.”

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. –William James.
aahhh…..so that’s why I admire these qualities…hmmmm….

All the ills of mankind, all the tragic misfortunes that fill the history books, all the political blunders, all the failures of the great leaders have arisen merely from a lack of skill at dancing. -Molière

what an idea! we must find more time for this….

Dance is bigger than the physical body. When you extend your arm, it doesn’t stop at the end of your fingers, because you’re dancing bigger than that; you’re dancing spirit. –Judith Jamison.
as with all creativity, in painting, business, people…..

Dancing and running shake up the chemistry of happiness. –Mason Cooley.
and I do both, to both rein it in and put it out…

Dancing begets warmth, which is the parent of wantonness. –Henry Fielding.
keep it in check….

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. –George Bernard Shaw.
so that is what it is?

Dancing is a sweat job. –Fred Astaire.
among other satisfying things in life…

Dancing is a wonderful training for girls, it’s the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it.
–Christopher Morley.so that is what we’re supposed to do….have not yet mastered….

and….some of the best dancing partners are women….

Lisa Revare Hickok, Marthe Dreher Tamblyn, Jane Fenn Wallace. Three SMEast '78 Great Women and Dancers.

Disco dancing is just the steady thump of a giant moron knocking in an endless nail. -Clive James.
I just thought this was funny.

Dance hard

Dance while you can

In whatever you do

Even when you don’t know what you should do…

Especially then!

-Paula

Comments (1)

Nov 1 2011

62nd Botar Ball to Benefit the American Royal Association. Muehlbach Hotel, Kansas City. Oct. 22, 2011.

by admin

National Hereford Association Bull. Faces n-s politically neutral to KCK, but no bull about it, he faces north. Prevents the newly developing city from forgetting its roots as a cattletown.

In the spring of 1949, newly appointed Senator Harry Darby gathered a group of civic leaders to find a way to interest young people in promoting the American Royal. Their common passion was the American Royal, one of the country’s largest horse and livestock shows and a unique and legendary event in Kansas City. The Royal had come to symbolize the country’s good life straight from the Midwest-land, agriculture, animals.

By 1970, after twenty-eight years of existence, the American Royal Coronation Ball was replaced by the profitable BOTAR Ball, raising more than $1.5 million to date in 1999. The Charles N. Kimball Lecture “It’s All About the Eating: Kansas City’s History and Opportunity” says it all.

excerpt from the lecture:

THE SPIRIT OF THE ROYAL (A hundred years of growin’)

All bricks are bare now, where a thousand cattle bawled.

The window signs are changed where all the packers called.

Though the yards which penned the critters now are bare,

the heartbeat of a city and its spirit linger there.

The ghost riders come at midnight with jingle in their gait,

The agents and commission men are getting figures straight.

Calloused hands with stubby pencils working numbers in their heads,

Hot coffee and cigar smells rousing buyers from their beds…

You can’t quite see their faces or the color of their eyes,

But you know they remember things that you can’t realize.

They keep the blood a flowing… through the city’s veins,

As they lean back in the saddle, look up the hill across their reins…

And see the city growing, see the concrete sprawling out,

Covering up the grassland where they used to ride and shout.

They think about their bellies and the beans they used to eat,

They put the bull on the east horizon, and brought the nation meat.

They are the founders of the city with the cow stuff on their feet,

The echoes of what they did rebound from every wall,

They’re the soul of the American Royal, They’re the ones who built it all!

Rich Hawkins 4/27/99

“The Royal is the symbol of our past; but more importantly, it is the symbol of our future….I thank all of you for coming and listening. It’s an honor for me to deliver the last Kimball lecture of the 20th century on a subject that could be our shining star for the 21st century. Let’s invite the folks who feed us all to dinner. After all, we still have to eat…and I remind you, “It’s All About the Eating!”

Oct. 21, 1999. Mr. John A. Dillingham.

Children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren of old and new Civic Contributors to Kansas City and Kansas in Agriculture, Business, Community, and Preservation participated in this event. It was held Oct. 22nd, 2011 at the Muehlbach Hotel in Kansas City, Missouri. And it was grand!

Here are some very amateurish highlights of the event:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jq5zISxcUkQ[/youtube]

A little tight there, Dad! But I'm confident she'll make a break for it...though always her father's daughter.

Beautiful Cerise presents...Mama Connie & Mama Paula were BOTARS together. In fact, as petites, they danced beside each other.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6A6fcBwax9A[/youtube]

Note: One of the ladies featured had a paternal Great Grandfather who served on the Livestock Exchange Board whose Cattle Company, still in existence, was a charter member of the American Hereford Association. Her maternal grandparents made contributions to Kansas City in the areas of preservation, architecture, and education. Mom and Dad were a BOTAR and GOTAR and continue in their respective fields to pursue work in agriculture and architectural history in the state of Kansas.

This lady BOTAR works in marketing for an agricultural advertising agency based in St. Louis with offices located in downtown Kansas City. She lives in a loft in the Kansas City Board of Trade Building and walks to work. It is a block away from three different downtown architectural offices of her maternal Grandfather. And, Lacy Amelia Adams can herd cattle, vaccinate and build feed bunks with the best of them as

“some of the best cowboys are indeed, cowgirls.”

Comments (3)

Oct 28 2011

Adventures of the Handy Dandy All-Purpose Ballgown from Wells Street.

by admin

The Handy Dandy All-Purpose Ballgown from N. Wells Street was born into the Adams Family on a trip to Chicago in the summer of 1999. John and Paula Adams were there on a summer trip. I think Jack and Lace were on this trip, because I remember Jack playing with a ball on the steps in front of Nicole Miller. We also bought a black Barbie silk vest for Lacy that I think she wore once, but it will be great for dress-up.

The cumulative total of Balls attended respectively by John and Paula Adams at this time was three. John Adams had attended the Jewel Ball in 1979. He had been solicited to escort, but had mistakenly felt he could be absent from parties in June for two weeks to fulfill family roundup and branding responsibilities on the XIT Ranch in western Kansas. When he returned, he had been demoted to the floor committee. “What on earth were you thinking?,” was my comment when he still seems a bit injured. The other two Adams ball attendances were Paula Graves BOTAR Debut in 1982 (1) with John Adams as her escort (2).

I like to go on record here that John Adams, though he went to Pembroke-Hill, was from Wabaunsee County. He was living in Lawrence finishing his last semester in business school while Paula was first working at Hallmark as design coordinator and then working at Halls in retail. Because a BOTAR could choose her escort if she as engaged, John Adams as fiancé was her GOTAR. It tends to be a bit of a family competition at times which holds social rank: being the BOTAR from Kansas City or being the demoted Jewel Ball Escort from Wabaunsee County.

There were two dresses, one a bit more expensive than the other, both very pretty. The less expensive was a crinkly black fluffier number that would look very good on someone about 5’4″ and taller. The other was this dress pictured below.

The Handy Dandy All-Purpose Ballgown from Wells St., Paula, John, stucco fireplace.

The structure:

It was column-like with a bit of a flare at the pedestal base. Not enough to be anything tent-like, which is how small women can feel when wearing a floor-length dress. Just enough to make it easy to walk, and more important, in which to dance. The bodice is boned.

The sheathing:

Textiles always do it for me. Handy Dandy’s skin is an aubergine silk that is cross-woven with black. It is crushed into very flat wrinkles. This gives her a faintly iridescent appearance. It reminds me of an old swakara (persian lamb) coat I have of my grandmother’s or bird’s-eye maple or anything very intricate, but naturally patterned in a tight, small design.

Anyway, after trying on this dress John Adams said, “that’s the one.” For a man who never appears to have any interest in or spends any time shopping, he has a good eye. But, his maternal Grandfather was an artist and had a sign company. And, his father had a good look. As well, John Adams always looks pretty dapper.

Adventure One-Debut at the 50th Botar Ball:

The 50th Annual Botar Ball. My friend Betsy, whose taste in fashion is impeccable, called me a trophy wife. That was nice, being that I had young children and was slaving through that last semester of architecture school so I could get the job in Wichita for Lacy to go to the big city school. Neither John nor I were feeling like there was any trophy at the end of the tunnel of marriage, children, and attempting to live rural and urban lives driving thousand of miles and eventually getting Lace educated in secondary school 200 miles from home where I would work for SJCF Architecture. It was grueling, but we were moving towards doing it, and we did it. So, feeling like a prized heifer got me through.

Handy Dandy does the Meade Eighth Grade Graduation.

Adventure Two-Second Appearance at Meade 8th Grade Graduation:

Handy Dandy appeared on stage at the Meade High School for the Meade Eighth Grade Graduation with Lacy Amelia Adams when she graduated from Junior High. This is a formal occasion, not uncommon in smaller rural towns. I think my mother told me of wearing a white long dress to her eighth grade graduation, or perhaps this is someone else who grew up in a small town.

I have included the picture of Lacy as she walked down the aisle with the flower that all the girls held. A local member of the clergy was the guest speaker. He spoke of Christian values, which at the time I found jarring, wanting separation of church and state education. But, I’ve lightened up on this and feel it was a reflection of common values that we all held in that room. It was just clothed in a language that was probably not offensive to many, if not most, of the people in that auditorium in Meade, Kansas.

If you will look at the bottom picture of the lineup, you will notice how all of the kids turned so nicely to look at me when I took their picture. Amanda West is the “even more petite than Adams women” girl to Lacy’s left. She and Lace get the prize for most effervescent. Lacy is seen having lost all composure at the occasion. This happened on several occasions at Meade Grade School performances, at times even taking down the group. But, she was forgiven and loved for her transgressions and has since learned to handle public appearances in full control of her mirth.

Adventure Three-The Handy Dandy All-Purpose Ballgown from Wells Street at the 62nd Annual Botar Ball, Oct. 22, 2011.

When Lacy Adams was asked to be a BOTAR in the summer of 2011, the BOTAR Mother pondered, “what to wear?” Because this frock had traveled across the state and was in the possession of Lacy Adams, I asked if I could borrow it back.

Though I had been instructed from my friend Betsy,”You will not cut off that beautiful dress,” I ignored the advice. I hauled it to my stylists at Brick’s in Wichita, and asked for a second opinion. “Where will you ever wear a long dress, or more pointedly, where will you ever want to wear a long dress?” they said. Good point. Not only are they not conducive to climbing stairs, they are not height inducing for the Lillputian. A little bit of leg helps. And, they don’t show the killer shoes I intended to wear that were also recycled from the Governor’s Inaugural Ball. Oh, I guess I forgot that, I guess the Adams are at 5 Ball occasions.

Tuxedo and the Handy Dandy Ballgown with Jack and Paula Adams.

I won’t get into more details or show you pictures of the shoes. (though please notice how cute my BOTAR Governor’s Pin looks on the little cutout in my dress at my left breast.) But, I will tell you that I was very proud of myself for recycling this classic dress for it’s second appearance at a BOTAR Ball. I could never have found a dress that I liked as well as this one. And I bragged about this to everyone who would listen. The men, of course, weren’t listening though if they were, I think they would have commended me for my practicality.

One female friend commented, “No one will even notice.” Completely missed my point as I wanted to tell everyone in the room. I am the kind of woman who thinks it’s fun when someone buys the same dress that I have purchased and plans an event where we can wear them together like twins, hoping for a third woman to join in on the fun for a Couture à Trois. Of course, if anyone should think I am too practical from living the rural life, I do have to confess that I spent as much or more on my clutch and bracelet.

So that’s it for now for the Adventures of the Handy Dandy All-Purpose Ballgown from Wells Street. I will keep you posted.

I fully intend to wear if it I ever have a Granddaughter who is either living in Kansas City, or has the opportunity to attend or be in the BOTAR Ball if she has any desire for me to lurk in the lobby and peek in.

And if this seems too far off and murky relative to anyone wanting me in attendance or me wanting to be in attendance, I’m sure I can stay this size for one of my potential grandchildren’s 8th grade graduation, circa 2035.

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Oct 21 2011

My Santa Fe dance night. Cathy Faber, two GOTARS, a drummer & a cowboy.

by admin

Mostly what I will remember about Kitty Bliss’s father, Curtis, is that I danced with him at Kitty’s wedding. He was a fabulous dancer with a firm hand and said I was “light as a feather,” bolstering my confidence in dormant dancing skills à deux. Four incredible daughters and a remarkable mother, a real man among great women.

A Dancing Story.

Cathy Faber on upright bass in great skirt, George Langston on guitar in yoke.

I’ll have to tell you about Dance Night at the La Fiesta Lounge with Cathy Faber’s Swinging Country Band, La Fonda Hotel, Feb. 4th, 2011. The picture is from the next day at Tesuque, another post, but we were visiting Santa Fe to look at adobe, hear Britt in Cathy’s Band, and eat guac.

3 cinqtegenerians: John Adams-Cowboy, Paula Graves Adams-so happy 2B mistaken for Ellen Barkin by a 70 yr. old, Britt Alexander-drummer. Tesuque, Feb. 5th.

3 Kansas cinqgenerians

Britt Alexander, center, and fellow musician friends though not in this band.

Practice…practice

John and Paula thought they’d take a spin, but we were in way over our heads. The dance background was there, though. For in 1981 we were a duo, a Belle of the American Royal (BOTAR) and her GOTAR doing the foxtrot, waltz and cha-cha-cha (see Kansas City Debut and that crowd). This dance occurred after the daughters had been presented to society by their fathers and had performed their curtsy.

We accomplished these dance steps while I held a big feather fan. This fan, I like to think, is in homage to Sally Rand, the famous historic fan dancer from Kansas City. She took fan dancing in the (apparent) buff to a whole new level of fine art while, I know, offering great pleasure for the men. No one ever mentions this in our debutante training, though I think the young girls practicing in this fashion might make a great pre-ball benefit.

The American Royal was a stock show in the old KC Stockyards. Kansas City was a meatpacking and a shipping point for midwestern cornfed beef to be moved East to feed larger markets. Later, the American Royal was an event that brought agriculturists from the provinces to the city as well as those urban people who had interests in agriculture in the Midwest. Mainly, it was established to be sure that Kansas City didn’t forget it’s agricultural roots and role as a breadbasket to the country. The show in the American Royal Arena is now primarily horsemanship, not as focused on interests in the commercial and purebred cattle stock show as it had been in the past.

Two GOTARS at La Fiesta Lounge.

Just a bit about being a GOTAR. This is a rite of passage for young KC men ages 22-30. This included the drummer and the cowboy with whom I was in the La Fiesta lounge at La Fonda in Santa Fe.

A word about the word BOTAR (Belles of the American Royal) and for what word the G represents. I thought it was Guys (of TAR). The men were allowed to go to this party over and over again, while the women only get to have fun the one time that they “debut to society.”

The Graves family was actually not announcing my eligibility for marriage as debutante balls were originally intended to do. They were able to gang two social events by celebrating this at the same time as my pre-nuptial showers and parties, closing the marriage deal just a month after the debut. We are an efficient family.

Note to self: Why aren’t eligible sons presented to society?

This gives me an idea, why not start a Kansas Dance Party for some great bachelors I know. Jack Adams, his KU Phi Delt & Beta buddies, some Pembroke fellas, maybe a few Meade County boys to mix it up a bit, Jimmy Corrales and some of his friends, and of course their moms; kind of like KU Mom’s Weekend.

We cordially invite you

to be presented at the

Bachelors and In-Between Moms & Mortgages Ball

The BIBM&M Ball which could be shortened to BIB, as in “I’m coming out this year as a BIB.”

[I am sure we, as mothers, have all weaned our male offspring long ago, so just in jest!]

My son’s friends in many fraternities at KU that I have met have a sense of humor.
I know it could be made into a great guy party, at least with the 2010 Sweeping Rock Chalk Phi Delt Winners who can really cut the rug on the dance floor.
And, if mommy is actually trying to stay off-duty in their lives for a bit, she might actually be asked to escort them on stage for their bow.

So who’s choosing the tuxes? I’d pick a crushed brown broomskirt weight velvet (good drape) with skinny lapels, “maybe crocskin, buttercream, buttercream….”

…back to the dance story…

So…the then married couple of John and Paula were practicing our two-step by the glass retail cases in the hall to the bathrooms. This was to prevent humiliation and avert collision with this fast two-steppin’ crowd. Several kind people stopped by to offer much appreciated advice.

And this is How we ended up respectively with very good dance partners…

A kind couple…two dance partners that is, Sandi Wright and Randy Forrester took us on.

Sandi is a woman, a teacher, and an author of children’s book about what!!! history and santa Fe prairie dogs!!! (see Prairie Pug) www.santafesam.com. Her daughter in finance was the illustrator and it had just been released in print. It is available at La Fonda bookshop among other places.

Randy was and perhaps still is co-host of Gotta Dance on KSFR 101.FM, Sunday from 7-8 MST, Gotta Dance .

Well, they took us on. Randy could not have been nicer and more fun and more gentlemanly.

Here’s another chunk of a great song of Cathy’s that gives you a feel for the dance crowd. Well, it was there until enforcement…

the moves

After the first dance, Randy moves onto Dance 102 and does a dip. Knowing my neck is always a bit stiff and I wouldn’t want to look awkward,

“what to do with the head?”, I asked.

“throw it back” and that I did. And I have to admit it, I liked it.

Well, don’t ever act interested in anything men do it just encourages them. Soon my hair was grazing the floor and Randy moved right into Dance 103 with the leg extends. Again…I was curious, this was new for me…

So, I threw myself in, head first, or I should say, head back in submission. My father Dean Graves always had a Marine Corps motto I try to live by: “anything worth doing is worth doing well.”

Well soon Randy was supporting my leg at 90 degrees in a split that Carolyn Howard would have been proud of (toe pointed, of course).

[I rationalized my exhibitionism with the idea that Lacy might need to know this someday. My cousin’s first husband’s father and that wife once did a Country Wedding Tango in my Uncle Bill’s Garage Dance Floor, so you never know when you might need to pull out or pass on this move to your children or grandchildren. I hung in there until Randy and Sandi called it a night, and we took a rest to watch Cathy, the guys, and Britt.]

Hillbilly Hoedown….so here’s the closure to the story.

The dance crowd had cleared out. Out of nowhere, a man in high-waisted wranglers cuts in on us and swings me off to center stage without even a “may I?”. A complete stranger, no compliment, and he took me to a whole new set of dance-bases that I’d never even heard of, sort of a jig.

I am sure I looked both scared and scary.

help me!

And… where’s John??!!! (bathroom? smoke?)

Where’s Britt? (….lost in percussion).

I’m trying to make eye contact with someone…where’s Dave Wood when you need him?

The exit

John’s finally returned, witnessing the finale. The grueling ordeal finally ended, and I stumbled over to Britt’s jazzette saying, “I’ve got to get out of here, goodnight.” I make the exit motion to John who’s asking…. “who was that?”, grab my coat and bolt for the lobby.

The next day by email I apologized to Britt for any embarrassment caused by his high school friend. I also used it as an opportunity to hold another responsible for my behavior, asking, “why didn’t you help me?!”

“Well, you looked like you were having a good time,” said Britt.

John’s comment, “he’s playing the drums…what’s he supposed to do?”

Well, I embarrassed myself a bit, but no regrets.

And give Thanks to God: My children weren’t there. But mostly grateful; I’m the one with the camera.

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Oct 21 2011

Calving Part III: Anomalies in Agriculture at the XIT Ranch.

by admin

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8F5veIKnnI[/youtube]

My last and perhaps best Paul Anka selection. Distracting and counter-intuitive to my motives, but makes the post, hang in there until 1:05 at least. But then, you won’t want to leave. And what mutual conclusion did John and Paula have about Anita, Paul Anka’s singing partner in Europe, after viewing her forearms…? So I think we were right on with Paul being big with the drag queens.

Tonight’s essay is about anomalies. The boss (only works part-time on Sundays) threw me a bone. He helped me with organization of my thoughts and photos. So, you can thank him for connecting the dots that were related in my brain to identify my point before I had one. Yes, it very often works this way with the Adams…

Sink and mini hot water heater station in calving zone of barn.

John pointed out the hot water heater Friday night.

Paula: “That’s so nice of you, I bet they like the warm water.” But I hadn’t ever noticed any post-labor rinse-off for the girls before…?

John: “That’s for me.”

I was sympathetic after other night in the pens when it was below freezing. There is only a small space heater in the barn, and this was only added in about 1996 when we moved to the west ranch.

I guess cold water is a real shocker after all that hot pV$….well, I don’t say these words, my father might be reading, let’s just say steaminess. See Part I.

So, hot water heater in the barn is anomaly one. Like a rancher with a cadillac, this is pretty high status for the XIT.

Mother and baby twins, born Jan. 22, 2011.

Anomaly Two: Baby twins were born Saturday night.
This is always fun. But, the mother cannot nurse two children, so John’s brother-partner brought over a cow from the e. ranch who had lost her baby. This is so the extra calf can “mother up” to the mother who no longer has her calf.

Anomaly Three: That girl is a freak.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3CtadNZdSY[/youtube]

John is speaking about a cow that never had any contractions. Being on the same team (females) as the cow and two weeks overdue with my own children, I have other theories for this. For example, she is such a good mother the children don’t want to leave, the calf might actually need more time in the womb, or she’s tired of men pushing her to fit their schedules and going to be difficult.

The point is, for rancher this is a pain:

Inconvenience: he has to stay up in the middle of the night either way. He can

haul the girl himself to Ashland (72 miles one-way), wait for the c-section, then drive her home the other 72. This is probably a good 4-6 hr time commitment in the middle of the night.
Or bother the people you value the most, his great vets in Ashland, to do a housecall at the ranch.

The vet is expensive (to John the money guy). And a word about vets…The Ashland Veterinary has the best large animal and K-state grads in the region, and also great for cats and dogs. And cheapest, maybe $175 for labor, $75 for mileage and time. It would be twice as much from Liberal.

One of a Cowboy’s many fine motor skills at the XIT is that he can stitch. They can handle a prolapse. This is when everything in the region from where the calf resides falls out. It gets shoved back in, she is stitched up and her life goes on. If life at stake, the vet called regardless, even if she’s going to town to the auction block the next year or the next day.

And if there is any perceived harshness about mothering tendencies in the video, it’s not perceived; if you’re barren, you’re out after the first year.

Last, I just couldn’t figure out the hanging stirrup from the ceiling conundrum from Part I. If you’ll remember the visual stirrup of a horse and word connection reminded me of the OB/GYN so I was really trying to figure out how she got her legs way up there by the ceiling…Finally, as I did with so many engineering confusions I had in classes at KU, I had to ask.

John illustrates the function of the stirrup in the last frame.

Anyway, anomalies are good. I wouldn’t want life any other way.

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Oct 20 2011

Belles of the American Royal 82

by admin

"KC Star, Betsy Ridge, Paula Graves, Diana Churchman. I think Betsy is describing her escort.

BOTARS by Laura Hockaday, Saddle & Sirloin? Allendale?

By the end of it and all the articles, we’d all had our share of time in print. Barby Allen’s was most impressive and she’s lived up to the write-up. We probably all had horseback riding lessons at Allendale, so this was most appropriate; and she has served the state of Kansas in public office and still rides for competition.

Connie Tutera's party. pictured top to bottom, l to r: Ann McCray/Anne Potter/Barby Allen, ?/Connie Tutera, ?/Sue Holden/Leslie Evans, Sarah Smull/Paula Graves/Leslie Evans, Anne Hickok/?/Caroline Cooke

This was a particularly great party hosted by Lou & Dom Tutera & Connie Tutera Mendolia. Boss man spent a lot of time here during Pembroke tenure. He has recounted fond memories of experiencing family with Nonnie, Lucille, Connie, Mike, Peaches and Joe, all in context of Dom’s beautiful western bronzes and lots of pasta.

Mary Kerr and Paula Adams BOTAR party at Three Friends

Paula and Mary's Invitation, drawn by Dean Graves

All the BOTARS hosted separate parties. Mary Kerr and Paula Adams had theirs at Three Friends Hall at 27th and Prospect. It was collard greens and black-eyed peas with jazz from Rich Hill and the Riffs featuring the one and only Ida McBeth. We invited our friends, so Kathy Kindred Noonan, Susan Grier Campbell, Marthe Tamblyn, Mary Landon and Dave Kerr were there.

Paula and Kathy, Sarah Smull, Ann Hickok, help me out, Jay Donohue, David Kerr and Marthe

Mike Tutera, John Adams, Tom Ward. One of many appearances Mike put in for John.

"Betsy Ridge, Mary Landon, Paula Graves"

"Betsy, Mary: the most beautiful homecoming queen of SME ever, Paula

Mike Tutera, Steve Siegfried, John Adams

You had to have these two guys at any respectable KC party in the 80s.

Sorry Ree, here's the original Marlboro Man as photographed in 1982 by Jack Rees, Jr. a KC Artist, in KC Style. This was when you could still smoke in confined spaces. He's got'em and he still smokes'em but not in the house. Meet him outside.

This is my escort John Adams. He was also my fiancé. A BOTAR cannot be married, but can be engaged. I think being engaged at your debut is a little like selling the cow before the auction but the Ward-Graves women went young. Why didn’t my mother warn me about a man like this?

(see letters from Harry Darby)

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Oct 14 2011

The mounted roadie: Ride Tall, He’s always watching.

by admin

Went to see a horse about a man.

Taking a roadie is taking a break. I think we may all do it, always have, in all times and places, by whatever mode of transportation is available. And times, it has only been in my mind.

The restlessness, the need for freedom, I think, is a part of who we are, or at least who I am. Being a 5th generation Kansan and a 4th generation Jayhawker, it might not seem as though I’ve left home. But I have lived in Paris and traveled quite a bit, in the states and across the state. And we all leave home in different ways. Through the books that I read, adventure is only as far away as my thoughts. And I always return home, wherever that may be, with a new perspective.

Location: ridge in the home pasture

Sometimes taking a roadie is by horse. In the aerial, you can see that I’m in the home pasture on a ridge (the line) about a mile north of the headquarters, on the north side of the Cimarron River. As it goes, really not very far from home. But it’s the concept that counts.

I’m going to include this photograph that my father-in-law Raymond Adams took, for it is far better than mine. He said one time,”if want to get close to God, you get up on that grey horse and ride up that hill behind the house and you will be about as close to God as you can get.” And another thing he said, “I am one helluva cowboy.”

Ride tall, he's always watching.

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Aug 31 2011

A moment’s pause from gems from the young gals…State Line: Yoga and Hi Hat and Ted.

by admin

I was late to arrive at Yoga Fix at the bottom of the Reece Nichols Building in Mission Woods. I’m an out-of-towner so I always want to respect each neighborhood’s protocol. I had experienced that Bikram on 39th locked the doors and people are advised to arrived 15 minutes early. Never going to happen. But, I was still a minute late and my mat was 200 miles away in Wichita. So, I whipped out my card and asked if I could borrow one and pay after class so that I would not further disrupt.

So into my hot [ter than hell] yoga went I….

My child’s pose was endearing.

My wheel was spinning round and round…

My pigeon cooed…

My crow cackled with glee!

My prayer pose brought thankful thoughts…

shh….shh….shh….shh….

shh.shh.shh.shh.shh.

My Shavasana (corpse pose) always lacks a little. Time enough for that when I’m dead. I’m out of the door.

Forgetting about the dollar I owed, the woman stopped me, “Are you Paula Adams?” she said.

“Yes.”

“There’s a post-it here about the mat rental.”

I pay the dollar and ask, “how did you know it was me?”

“The last girl left a description.” Of course, I had to look at the post-it.

It said:

Paula Adams

Slender white-haired senior

owes $1 for her mat

Well, I was feeling so fit and alive but it did put a bit of a crimp in my happy baby.

So, onto Hi Hat to grab my mocha and pain au chocolat (post yoga, max chocolate, must get all the endorphins going).

And, saw these handsome gentlemen holding court in the 9 x 9 space that T. Jensen has allowed for those choosing to sit inside (it is brisk February).

Men's Morning Coffee at T. Jensen's place. See what I mean about the size? It's an old cottage-style brick gas station. FB has identified far left as Dorcy Troutman.

I’m looking and feeling a little a little low and they kindly struck up a conversation as I waited for the decaf mocha. At this point in time, I didn’t wear lipstick or mascara to work out and the ballcap was on. I’ve now changed my tune on that.

I think there was some kindly remark about working out, so I had to show them the post-it that I had kept. And the man at the right offered his story.

Trop de Testosterone Ted and his buddy at left.

It went something like this…

“I was on a golfing trip with some guys in [some exotic place or well-known course or something, don’t play golf, don’t remember these things]. An attractive younger woman was talking with my friends and asked who they were here with. They gestured to me. I overheard her say, “that short bald guy over there?”

I said, “too much testosterone?” His friends said, “hmmm…it’s a gift.”

So, Too Much Testosterone Ted, keep it up. I think we’re all lookin’ good.

And, for the record, a senior is when one reaches 50 so I was, at that time, indeed 50 for a few more days. So, it doesn’t bother me so much. It just doesn’t seem like this should still be the term, though, until we get some good stuff like discounts on movies and airline tickets.

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Aug 30 2011

August 29, 2011. A text from Lace…

by admin

Text I rec’d at 12:15 today…. [and I was on a roll…crossfit at 5, home washing face at 7, at desk ever since…the joys of having adult children]

“Mom-try to check your email whenever you have the chance!”

This was the email I looked at at 1:45 pm, since we’d had a boundary talk about communication. I was trying not to drop everything in an effort to mirror availability when contacting one another…you know…two weeks adult child = two hrs. mom.
From: Lacy Adams <lacyameliaadams@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: Grey shift dress and shoes
Date: August 29, 2011 11:13:05 AM CDT
To: Paula Adams <paulagravesadams@gmail.com>

“I didn’t realize it was so soon – but we have our first party (the Botar Buffet) this Thursday where we meet our escorts. This is the party that is the Kentucky Derby theme – I need to figure out what I’m going to wear!!!”
– Lacy Adams

text to Lacy at 2:08 pm…

Lace sorry to text [this as an aside, not in text…I’m trying to be on-the-text-wagon but the company I keep is making it difficult…] but I’m on it with Genevieve with hat dress and shoes. U r not obligated! I had fun but I’ll send you pics in a bit. luv mom.

email to Lacy…2:35 pm…on the way out of the door to Towne East in Wichita.

From: Paula Adams <paulagravesadams@gmail.com>

Subject: Derby attire

Date: August 29, 2011 2:36 PM CDT

To: Lacy Adams <lacyameliaadams@gmail.com>

I’m checking Von Maur. There is one possibility that might be good for someone smaller. As the Derby is a summer event, the summer hats most like this have all been sent back. I will send you pictures as soon as possible with some ideas and will be in KC Wed. night to deliver to you as I am driving in from Wichita for the Parents Cocktail Party. I also am hoping that this FB post might gather some other mothers or women in for the challenge! We can do it! Nothing better than feeling needed :). I hope you think this is funny. love, mom.

[I posted this and photo below to FB, hoping for faster communication and some tips from other women. It seems to be a genetic thing in our family to communicate through social media as fastest medium]

googled "Kentucky Derby Hats" and saw this as an option...

3:00 pm, Facebook post from Julayne Ramsey appeared on my wall….so sweet and so” other mother” not to disappoint…

“this is not the best photo…it was taken in the mid 90’s some work deal…But I was showing off my hat…..too bad I don’t have it anymore…I was reading your post and found this.”

Things in this world

By: Julayne Ramsay

Aug. 29, 2011 3:02 pm…

Text to Genevieve at Brick’s, Wichita: This is felt and 78. Something someone (who?) would potentially wear again who wears hats. Not us…

[Toni, Genevieve, Marilyn and Gail are the team of stylists for the Adams women who know all the available clothes and shoes better than I do as I have bought everything here for the last 6 years and keep it all forever. It is all timeless. Genevieve Gordon’s family owned Brick’s in downtown Wichita back in the day. She lets me borrow her purses and hats.]

: The felt one someone might wear again, $78. Dillard’s.

Aug. 29, 3:04 pm…

Text to Genevieve:

this one kind of dull slick like microfiber and to me looks most like the derby hats online that were the alternative to the big brim one side up and one side down. It is $108 which is way more than I want to spend. But since Derby is over, I can’t be picky. I guess someone might go to another Derby party in their lifetime or the actual Derby?

: the most like the Derby Hats online…or I thought…looks like something from Alice in Wonderland in this picture…

Aug. 29, 3:06 pm…

Text to Genevieve:

This one has a slight flip up at the edge like two inches (curved up) and the curve is very structured plus the flat top slants so it’s just quite the combo. In the last one the bow is almost just like a free loop of structured satin, and kind of freely more artful tack with a few wispy feathers. so my gut is with that but you know, not I. TY so much for the Chin luu suggestion that I have that is perfect. What shoes?

Aug. 29, 3:08 pm.

Text to Paula from Genevieve and Toni:

We like the first one the best!

Aug. 29, 3:12 pm.

Brringg…brrinnggg..!!!….Call from Genevieve to I-phone (who is 3 weeks from delivering and not working today by the way….I hope I don’t have to bother her in labor…)

Genevieve to Paula: Yes, the first black felt one is the best.

Paula to Genevieve: Okay, I’m heading to Von Maur. Will send you the last picture in a minute.

Aug. 29, 3:18 pm.

Text to Genevieve: This is not a great pic may try for another but have to sneak.

: self-photo at Von Maur with Cosy helping me…ssshhh..illegal photo and they are very strict about this, I’ve tried before…Cosy could be fired.

Text from Genevieve in team effort with Toni: We like this one the best!

Aug. 29, 3:25 pm. Punishing them for good behavior…

Text to Genevieve:

What shoes? I’m wearing the French whore shoes (the pink and black patent platforms with cutouts) so I could just leave those up there except maybe inconvenient since I can’t take off until 9pm and I have to drive back, so if you have another idea that is good, too. TY so much for checking on the navy blue suede Chi Mihara shoes and for getting the cocktail party shorts done. Takes a village of women….

And here’s the finale, the email pièce de résistance….(since most recent at top, read from bottom up).

Sent from my iPhone

Begin forwarded message:

From: Lacy Adams <lacyameliaadams@gmail.com>
Date: August 29, 2011 4:36:50 PM CDT
To: Paula Adams <paulagravesadams@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: Derby party.

Hi mom,

So when is your cocktail party?? I just found out this derby party was THIS Thursday. Is yours this Wednesday night?

Mom – this is the cutest pic though. So cute. Oh my goodness I love it. You’re so lucky that you know Genevieve and all of these ladies to give you such good fashion advice… I seriously just LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!

Well, I’m driving back to Lawrence tonight – but Tuesday night and Thursday night for sure I’m staying at Sara Liechti’s (her address is – 4949 Wornall Road)

I love you a lot & I’m thinking of you. I can’t get over how cute this pic is!!!!!! How expensive was the hat? Seriously for all of these dresses that you’ve let me wear and dresses that you have purchased for me – if you feel that you want any reimbursement just let me know. Seriously.

xoxo, Lace

On Mon, Aug 29, 2011 at 4:09 PM, Paula Adams <paulagravesadams@gmail.com> wrote:

The final 'fit for the 'ffair.

I checked out three hats at dillards which i hate which were expensive and all kind if over the top and sent to Genevieve at bricks and posed the challenge.

Then to Von maur for last option to see cody who had described this tasteful peau de soie with a soft boyish tie and wavy ( like a ruffle ) band.

Genevieve and Toni at bricks chose the latter which was half the price and twice the taste. She also said do the chan luu which I got on sale from her in fall 2008 and u wore to granddads funeral with the little petal shreds.

The shoes are the ” all black” ( I call them French whore) black and pale pink platforms which I will wear Wednesday night so I’ll have to meet you after this cocktail party which is at 61st and Terrace and over at 8:30. Are you still commuting from Lawrence and if not where are you living?

Don’t feel obligated to any of this, it was fun for everyone on your skilled team (which i am not one of!)and I can take back the hat but do let me know how to drop off if you’d like.

Thanks for emailing me hon.
– mother of the independent new assistant accountant executive in marketing at osborne and barr who also has always done everything for herself including fashion. I’m so enjoying the moment and think you have a great team of stylists who know all our available wardrobe choices from 2006 on, shoes, dresses, jackets.

They said to call anytime! 1-316-681-0361 and ask for Genevieve, Toni, Marilyn, Gail, or Erin.

Sent from my iPhone

Done! Everything in red conveys tremendous satisfaction and love.

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